Saturday, March 08, 2008
despite being so lazy to blog these few days or you may even say its a whole long period ( hahas ), i still need to blog about this entry... cos i seriously think i need to post it up.. it doesnt matter how many ppl will see it, even if it's only one person reading it i still must post it... bcos my God is too good to me... yeahs! =)
it's okays to let ppl noe about my recent life... it's not good... really not good... recently many things happened... i quarrelled with my mum or mabbe she thinks im in the wrong... the story goes like this...
i'm currently learning driving in bbdc since last yr.. she actually expects me to finish the whole thing within a year.. i noe tt it's not wrong of her to set tt target for me bcos it is possible to finish it within a year ( NOTE : provided if im not schooling! )... but the fact is that i am schooling every single day... mon 9-6, tues 10-9.30, wed 9-6, thurs 9-6, fri 9-4... and it happens tt bbdc lessons starts only at 8... i wouldnt be able to make it to sch then... & all of us noes tt its not easy to book slots bcos in this whole of singapore, not only me learning driving..
so, a letter came telling us tt my test date will be automatically cancelled bcos i didnt finish learning driving and the money will be refunded back... my mum, for dunno wad reason, keep claiming tt im irresponsible & tt i wan to give up driving... i was really angry then! bcos, u can do anything in the world to me jus not accuse me for the things i didnt do or the thoughts i didnt think about...
so i told her to come to my room and i let her see the internet booking system the reason why i didnt go is bcos slots are nt so easy to book as she thought... she feels tt im giving her excuses... yes, i go to the extent to beg ( note : beg ) her to come to my room to see for ample times until i really cant stand it and called my sister to tell her the whole thing.. she is good she understands my situation as she hears my out... its then tt my mum walked in to my room and ask me who am i talking to... & den she finally see the webpage and gave the most hurting comment which makes me so so so so peeved off...
she said in chinese " now u show me this oso no use... nov & dec slots are oredi over, how can i see them? "
zzzzzzzz!!!!
i seriously dunno what's in that mind of hers... if feb mar apri slots is oredi so full during first few days of feb, wouldnt it be the same tt every mth the slots are so hard to book bcos thousands of ppl are learning driving together? no, she jus got her reason for everything... & she never admits she is wrong... in fact, she told me " i dun think i accuse u wrongly... "
i was really sad... bcos the last thing i expect is the way she responded when she saw the webpage... not attempting to understand my plight yet drilling the hole even deeper within my heart.. when she left the room, i cried, i really cried to God... bcos i noe my God noes i didnt tried to give excuse.. my God noes my heart desire to learn driving... smth then caught sight of my eyes... " jesus loves you! " a heart shape stuff toy given by one of my sec sch fren with tt three words on it... you dunno how strongly was God's presence in the midst of the whole situation... & then a peaceful feeling compressed the sadness within me...
finally i decided to take my test during june which means during my hols i will learn all my drivings.. and i've oredi booked all of them..
& then it was holidays... no, things didnt jus stopped here... mre things are coming... =(
mon tues wed passed... thurs, while i was on my way out to meet my friend, a call came frm nyp... i was told tt im suppose to go to sch for my fyp ( final year project )... for my course, we're splitted into two paths ( P5, P6 ).. im frm the P5 group ( which means i supposedly shld be studying half yr first before doing my fyp & attachment for half yr ) ... but the sch happily chose some of us ( frm the p5 grp ) to join the p6 grp ( which means i got to do my fyp / attachment first ) ... so there's this board with names on it for us to noe if we're being chosen... and happy me see the board without my name and off i go holidays hoping to enjoy to the last bit... lols...
and so, this call came tt change my holidays totally upside down.. boos! to keep it short, i shall skip on wad the tcher say... so in conclusion, i didnt turn up bcos the board didnt reflect my name... and the fact is tt the management of the school actually ( omgness! ) forgets to type my name out... so ya, being a good student i went back to school on tt day itself... it's a everyday 8-6 kind of thing... so much things got to change in my life suddenly.. i cant meet my frens anymre, i cant learn my driving anymre... therefore i really dislike this plan! it's the weirdess feeling ever bcos im not frm this path so everyone arounds me is like some aliens... -.-''
a song came to me " zhu ni shi wo li liang, zhu ni shi wo gao tai, jian gu pan shi, wo xing kao ni, bi bu dong yao, zhi ni shi wo li liang, zhu ni shi bi nan suo, wo de pang wang zhi zai yu ni... " every time, when God uses song to speak to me, im so touched.. it's different... it makes me able to move on jus bcos i noe God is always in front of me even before i start the battle... so i went to sch the first day and was like tired laas.. cos previous nite i slept oni at 2 plus...
second day, i was early for sch... tts jus my habit.. so i think tt teacher's quite please with me oso.. hahas! he must have thought im some kind of student who loves to pon sch since i didnt turn up for 4 days until he called and realise tt it was actually the school's fault.. hahahas! anyway, he gave us the project & sad to say, everyone is doing different individual project.. again, i feel so funny cos i have no one to help me as i dunno anyone frm this path at all! & tt project is like so alien to me... v v hard... rahhs! however, no hesitation frm God.. immediately he used another song to speak to me " wo kao zhe na jia gei wo li liang de, fan shi dou neng zuo, huo feng lang huo di gu, zhu ping an zai wo xin, wo kao zhe na jia gei wo li liang de, fan shi dou neng zuo, xin zai zhu de zhi yi, wo fan shi dou neng zuo... "
the last sentence was especially zoomed in... " xin zai zhu de zhi yi, wo fan shi dou neng zuo " which means, believe in God's plan, i will be able to do everything... it literally makes me remember how i came to this nyp through God's will/plan... my admin number : xxxxxxJ... why J? bcos J for Jesus! not superstitious ok... but i jus thought it's all planned out to be J bcos everytime i write my admin number, God wans me to be reminded of how i was put in this school through Jesus....
so no, now i dun dread going to school... if i cant change the fact, i jus have to live with it and do my best... bcos it's only when i do my best tt God will do the rest... tts his promise to me...
11 mre wks of final year project before attachment... i will pull through! i noe in the midst there will be stressful moments esp when dateline is nearing... but i noe eventually everything will be not jus ok but very okays... =)
thank you Jesus!
the simplicity of life.
11:45 AM
